Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life
by Henry Cloud
, John Townsend
Tags: codependency, boundaries, responsibility
Having clear boundaries is essential to a healthy, balanced lifestyle. A boundary is a personal
property line that marks those things for which we are responsible. In other words, boundaries define who we are and who we are not.
Boundaries impact all areas of our lives:
- Physical boundaries help us determine who may touch us and under what circumstances
- Mental boundaries give us the freedom to have our own thoughts and opinion
- Emotional boundaries help us to deal with our own emotions and disengage from the harmful, manipulative emotions of others
- Spiritual boundaries help us to distinguish God's will from our own
- Can I set limits and still be a loving person?
- What are legitimate boundaries?
- What if someone is upset or hurt by my boundaries?
- How do I answer someone who wants my time, love, energy, or money?
- Aren't boundaries selfish?
- Why do I feel guilty or afraid when I consider setting boundaries?
Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend offer answers to these and other tough questions, showing us how to set healthy boundaries with our parents, spouses,
children, friends, co-workers, and even ourselves.
«Sometimes, due to their confusion about rearing children or their own injuries, some parents combine strict and lax limits, sending conflicting messages to children.
The children don’t know what the rules of family and life are.
Alcoholic families often exhibit inconsistent limits. A parent may be loving and kind one day, unreasonably harsh the next.
This is particularly true because of the behavior changes brought on by drinking.
Alcoholism causes massive boundary confusion in the child. Adult children of alcoholics never feel safe in relationships.
They’re always waiting for the other person to let them down or attack them unexpectedly. They keep their guard up constantly.
Setting limits is traumatic for adult children of alcoholics. Saying no might bring respect, or it might bring rage.
They feel like the double-minded person described in James 1:6: "like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind."
They are uncertain about what they are and aren’t responsible for».